[Vash wants...he just wants. So badly, he wants. His better judgement is telling him no, because the moment he says too much, there won't be any going back from it. Even as a contingency, he and Ain will be attached at the hip until something happens to one or both of them.
And that's a terrifying thought, isn't it? He lost Rem the same way, and it was his own fault that he lost her. It was his own fault that he lost Rollo. That Tonis became crippled when his home was destroyed. That he and Nick parted ways unpleasantly. And now Nai...his own brother has become the source of all of that misery, to the point where he hardly knows how he should feel anymore, even though he knows what he would have said back on the ship.
Everyone he's ever gotten close to he's lost. It's trauma, plain and simple, that scares him away from saying more. Because he can't lose more.
Yet as he looks at Ain, holds him in his arms, cups his face with his free hand...he knows that it's already too late. When he looks at Ain, he feels the same feeling he always did when Rem held his hand or taught him about the geraniums she grew. How it felt when things were good, and he and Nai would talk about all of the things they wondered about the world as a whole. When he was touted as a hero for saving a desolate town, and the humans there treated him as their own.
He wants.
His hand trails down until he finds the collar still around Ain's neck, his fingers brushing over the tag in a way that makes it jingle softly. It doesn't have Vash's name on it, but it doesn't need to. He can feel something aching behind his eyes, because it feelsl like he's doomed Ain. His affection is going to lead to something horrible.
But. He's selfish.]
I love you.
[It's just as Nai said. All he's ever wanted was the love of "those humans".
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And that's a terrifying thought, isn't it? He lost Rem the same way, and it was his own fault that he lost her. It was his own fault that he lost Rollo. That Tonis became crippled when his home was destroyed. That he and Nick parted ways unpleasantly. And now Nai...his own brother has become the source of all of that misery, to the point where he hardly knows how he should feel anymore, even though he knows what he would have said back on the ship.
Everyone he's ever gotten close to he's lost. It's trauma, plain and simple, that scares him away from saying more. Because he can't lose more.
Yet as he looks at Ain, holds him in his arms, cups his face with his free hand...he knows that it's already too late. When he looks at Ain, he feels the same feeling he always did when Rem held his hand or taught him about the geraniums she grew. How it felt when things were good, and he and Nai would talk about all of the things they wondered about the world as a whole. When he was touted as a hero for saving a desolate town, and the humans there treated him as their own.
He wants.
His hand trails down until he finds the collar still around Ain's neck, his fingers brushing over the tag in a way that makes it jingle softly. It doesn't have Vash's name on it, but it doesn't need to. He can feel something aching behind his eyes, because it feelsl like he's doomed Ain. His affection is going to lead to something horrible.
But. He's selfish.]
I love you.
[It's just as Nai said. All he's ever wanted was the love of "those humans".
That's all.]