Hello, and welcome to The Care and Keeping of Your Pet! As you surely know, a pet is a big responsibility, and we're so glad you've decided to be a concientious master. A safe pet is a happy pet, and this handbook is certain to keep your precious lifelong friend as content as can be.
The history of the animal person is a long and difficult one, with their origins not being known even to this day. However, scientists believe that despite our common appearance - most animal people have humanoid forms except for the ears, tails, and sometimes teeth - we share no common ancestry, even if the ascent of this species corresponds with that of the homo sapien. We gained dominance over each breed thousands of years ago, beginning with the dog type, who have long been considered "man's best friend." Most breeds these days are docile and perfect for owners of any speed.
Of course, it is our duty as the superior species to take care of these animal creatures, and this is inherent in their genetic makeup. Everyone knows that an animal person, when matched with their correct human master, is loyal for life - a true "soulmate," if you will. Far be it for us to turn this away! Ever since the Great Domestication, these intelligent and loving animals have served us as friends, workmates, guardians, servants, and sexual companions and will for years to come. Despite recent hubbub from so-called "Pet People's Rights Activists," this way of life is wholesome and good. Scientific research shows that the natural desire of the pet person is to be owned and cared for by a human.
So, it's your first pet. What do you need to know?
As previously stated, pet people come in as many breeds as you can possibly think of. By far and away the most popular are the dog and cat types, but exotic birds and lizards have been gaining popularity among trendsetters from L.A. to Tokyo!
All pet types are best suited for certain jobs, and when hunting for one, it is best to search for a type that suits your needs best.
However, a "True Match" - when a pet person bonds with you and only you for the rest of their natural lives - comes naturally, and sometimes takes time before you can find the pet you will be able to give a forever home to.
According to all current research, pet people are completely sentient and like us in many ways. However, it is important to remember that they have many animalistic and feral characteristics. Do not be foolish and think that your pet is a person, despite the facts that many are clothed and may be allowed to read, write, and have "hobbies." Some traditional pet owners may eschew these frivolities, and that is within their right.
Pet people age more quickly than humans, at least physically, and many types have long lifespans. It is not uncommon for pets to be passed through the family. When getting your child their first pet, it's important to keep in mind that just because the pup is tiny now, a grown pet can be jumpy around a small child.
It is important to train a pet. Discipline will be necessary. This does not make you a bad owner. Failure to train early will result in a rebellious pet. Training is especially important if you want your pet to serve as a household servant.
Remember, your pet will be extremely protective of you, especially if you are Truly Bonded. It is best to socialize them early. A socialized pet is a perfect family pet.
These days, unowned and unbonded pet people are allowed to live as strays or "Frees" in certain designated areas. Some even hold "jobs." This is against their best interest, and owners who adopt these strays are to be rewarded. Still, the best place to get pets are from liscenced kennels or breeders.
Some masters find it beneficial to participate in activities with their pets, such as shows and other competitions.
Finally, much has been made about the sexual relationship between pet and master. This is a normal facet of the bond, and humans are sure to find pet people sexually alluring. But beyond that, it is only responsible and prudent for owners to care for their pet's needs. It is a well-known fact that the libidos of pet people are remarkably strong, and when they go into heat, it is usually more convenient for a master to relieve them. There is no risk of pregnancy. All rumors of hybrids are urban legends.
Despite this, masters must remember to not view their pets as romantic partners. Humans should stay with humans.
With that said, thank you and welcome to your first day as a pet's master! |
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Sleepily:]
Who are you going to dinner with?
[you are so stupid]
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[Vash yawns, turning his face against Ain's shoulder. His brain tells him to say "the others", but instead, what comes out is:]
Chung...
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Ain yawns.]
Okay. Tell him I said "hi".
[...zzzzz...
They'll be asleep for a whole half-hour, good for them, before the door opens and there's a loud clamoring, and then:]
Ain!! How are you feeling!!!
[Meanwhile, Ain jumping out of his skin,]
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But as it happens when you're sleeping, that half hour feels more like two minutes have gone by before the door just...explodes open, and all at once Vash is jumping awake himself, trying to push himself up...on an arm he's currently not in posession of, oops.
Hi Elsword, Ain has a Boy in bed with him who looks very bewildered, his blonde hair sticking up in all directions.]
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Ain shoots one (1) apologetic glance at Vash as like twelve people shuffle into what is essentially a studio apartment and make themselves at home. Hi, this is how they all act. Vash will probably be able to pin all of them from the photos, too. Not many of them have changed much.
Meanwhile, Dachie and Mini-Dachie are very excited to see people. And also to see food, because holy hell they brought a fucking buffet of Chinese takeout.]
Oh, wow, you didn't want to knock? [Sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, come here Vash come say hi.] Did you bring dinner here...?
We were knocking for a solid two minutes—
Yeah!! [shut up Add don't be rude, Elsword Is Speaking™] Eve said you weren't feeling well, so we brought dinner to you... both of you, actually, hehe.
[One thing is definitely clear: Chung was not lying when he told Vash that the redhead is A Dog. His tail is whipping someone in the leg currently.]
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But also, wow, there are...so many people in here, suddenly. Vash scoots back against the headboard of the bed a little before following Ain's example, swinging his legs over but making sure he's still sitting next to his bird as he does so.]
S-sorry...I guess we dozed off.
[No, they fell the fuck to sleep wholesale. It's what happens when you haven't had a good night's sleep in days.]
Is all of this really for us...?
[Well. Not ALL of it.]
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Well, not allllll of it... [Elsword is taking this very literally as you can see.] You'll like it, though, I promise! It's from Ara-noona's brother's restaurant.
[Surprise these people are like 97% Korean, except for the aforementioned fox-girl, who is Chinese. And then we all gesture to the one (1) white man in the party like hi this is a German bird we found outside,
but it's fine.
Anyway, Ain follows that comment up with "Mr. Half-Demon didn't cook anything?" and then it's a blue-haired goat that speaks up to complain he didn't have enough notice to make something fancy. Ain he is going to Get you. (Also, is it racist to call a goat a demon, more at ten.)
Anyway, hope Vash can keep a lot of names in his head, because not only do they start introductions while they pass out food (and it is, by the Gods, a lot of fucking food), but Ain also appends introductions with nicknames. Chung is "Mr. Guardian", et cetera, everyone besides Elsword has nicknames. Really awful, horrible nicknames.]
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Thank you! This is very nice of you...
[He comments as he gratefully takes his portion of food, and...realizes he has not eaten in several hours when Ain did get to eat so he is going to dig into his food, thanks. He hopes it's not rude but he is starving...and is just. Inhaling it. Everyone here is going to realize right off the bat that he is a Black Hole.
...at some point during introductions though, he will try to sneak the Dachies a noodle each. Here u go friends.]
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It's funny, because the two black holes in the room are the people you don't expect it to be from. Lu, one of the other goats, is a small and petite woman who's eaten her entire share by now and one third of Ciel's. Vash doesn't look like he eats as much as he does, but he do. And then there's the biggest guy in the room, something like 6'3" and shredded to the point where the buttons on his already half-undone shirt are about to explode off of him, who's eating very politely and quietly in the back of the room.
Ain finds all of this very silly, personally. And yes, the Dachies are all over Vash now, he is not subtle because the larger one makes it completely unsubtle what he's doing. Vash is now Best Friend, give more food please—]
Vash! [(several people are typing)] Don't you have any fun stories to tell everyone?
[Yes you are Immediately on the spot hi hello.]
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Vash's head snaps up when he hears his name called, and just as he's dangling another noodle for the dachie pair, he realizes that every eye in the room has turned to him. Uh.
He quickly lets it go and sits back, shuffling his plate a little in his lap even though he's pretty much cleaned it entirely save for the little bits he's saves for the babies.]
Oh, me?
[He points an index finger at himself like he doesn't know who the fuck they're talking about like yes, yes you-
He's at a bit of a loss though because, like...a lot of his "fun" stories involve escaping the law...or stealing things to get by...and those aren't exactly fun, are they? Nor does that give a very good impression of the person Ain is now dating...
So what if he makes it
worse.
Accidentally]
Haha well...all my stories from before I met Ain aren't all that interesting, to be honest.
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Anyway, it is Quite unusual for Ain to not call someone by a shitty nickname, so don't mind the stares that are a mix of "???" and ":)" They Know. And now they know More because Vash is saying he has nothing interesting to tell them unless it involves his dumbass bird HMMMMMMMM LOOKS SUSPICIOUS LOOKS LIKE Y'ALL DO BE FUCKIN THO—]
Really? I'll trade you an embarrassing story about Lu for one about Ain. [says Ciel, with his full chest, and Ain levels a stare at him that's Friendly but could also melt ice at the same time Lu lets out an offended noise. How dare he.]
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Embarrassing?
[He slides Ain an apologetic glance. He’s just trying to make conversation he swears-]
Well…at the last place we were visiting, Ain climbed into the water fountain they had in the square…I don’t blame him though! It looked really nice.
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Clothes on and all?
[Ain nods like yeah, he'll own that, it was not his proudest moment. His wings shift along his back as he remembers it. He must worsh.]
Well, if it makes you both feel better, when Lu was shorter— [she cuffs him,] she used to headbutt me in the leg. Also, she doesn't eat her vegetables.
CIEL!!!!
[Resounding laughter. And a couple muffled chuckles from the less-boisterous ones.
Ain, of course, has decided on Vengeance.]
Vash regularly gets distracted by food and walks into walls.
[Pops a snap pea into his mouth.]
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[But the way Vash avoids everyone’s gaze and looks up at the ceiling while scratching his cheek…no, it IS that bad. He’s a hungry boy he can’t help it.]
Before we met, I didn’t always have access to a lot of fresh food because of…where I lived. [Yeah.] But I also just really like food, you know?
[His clean plate is likely a testament to that.
Man though, this is…nice. Just having a group of friends to talk to, that all care for one another….it’s nostalgic for Vash in a bittersweet kind of way.]
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A lot of them were raised wealthy — picked up by wealthy masters, in positions of power, whatever — so the struggle isn't that bad. For some of them. Striking out on your own, though, makes food a problem, which...]
I didn't either. [Elsword says, unbidden, staring down into the takeout container in his lap.] My owner left when I was eight, so I lived off the land for a long time.
[Wow way to make everyone fucking sad.]
We have a lot of food here, though! Rena-noona maintains some of the farms. You can eat whatever you want!
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I…I don’t want to take more than my share. But thank you. You all have been so nice to me.
[They better put him to fucking work while Ain is sick or he’ll make it everyone’s problem.]
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[THANKS AISHA YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO HIM TRULY, despite the scathing sarcasm and shit-eating grin she has right this second. We've left sad behind, we've rerouted back to full chaos crew. Everyone is reminded of Ain's inclinations all of a sudden. Yes this very dumb blonde man is absolutely his type, they're Aware.]
Haha, don't work him too hard for them! I don't want his spine to break.
[Winks at Vash who's spine he's already threatened to break, and kind of... already has broken it really,]
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He sighs, but it's not a deep, forlorn sort of sigh. He's actually...relieved, because it sounds like they're actually accepting of such an idea. Or, rather, it's such a non-issue they don't care to make a big deal of it. They just are. If Vash weren't in a room full of others he's trying to make a good impression with, he'd be tearing up. Instead, he just laughs faintly and hands baby dachie another noodle, as if he's been living here all his life.]
I think I'll be okay, if I've made it this far.
[Ain has put him through his paces, as it were. Surely...he couldn't do more than that.......]
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But. It's fine. Elsword's already smacked Vash with the friendship beams he CAN'T say no.
(Baby Dachie goes nomnomnomnom.)
Eventually, dinner concludes, but not without more stories. Ain shares an embarrassing story about Every Person In The Room to make up for the stories they tell Vash about him — ranging from the innocent "tried to steal something by snatching it in broad daylight and just walking away" to the kind-of scary "thought you leave cake in the oven for four hours and it came out as coal" to the less-than-innocent "walked into the complete wrong bedroom with a one-night stand and had to quickly back out". The latter story Ain shuts down pretty quickly if only because Vash is here and they don't need to get onto the topic of Ain's bedroom escapades at all, because this is a group of college frat boys and they Will branch off to ask if Vash is "good in bed".
Ain would, of course, say "yes he is he's a very good bottom" if it came up, but maybe let's save that for when they're all drunk together. Because they will be. Eventually. There's a handful of them that don't drink, but the ones that do...
Anyway, everyone is swift to head out, mostly because Ain starts to flag severely once the fatigue resurfaces and he's well-past the point of Eating. He needs rest. He needs more medicine. Andddd he needs Vash cuddles.
It's a whole-ass list. Luckily, the medicine can be taken before everyone shuffles out, but they like. Live... down the hall, so. It's not far.]
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It will definitely be smart to reserve this topic for when they're much drunker though, Ain has the right of it.
Unlike poor Ain, Vash has the energy to keep going for much longer, even though everyone does eventually start to leave once the meal has concluded and Ain starts to die again. Poor guy...Vash will help to clean up the remnants of all of their plates though, passing them off to those that are heading out, waving to them as they go and letting them know he'll keep an eye on Ain. He probably isn't going to leave him again until tomorrow...it's getting later anyway. It's time for rest.
Once the door gets pulled shut, Vash sighs and shrugs off his jacket, tossing it onto the chair at the desk nearby before stooping down to the floor and scooping the baby Dachie up in his hand, petting it gently with his thumb as he moves to sit back down on the edge of Ain's bed.]
How are you feeling? You look tired.
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The baby Dachie makes a peeping noise, meanwhile the bigger one is just staring like. Why not pick up him. And then he gets up onto the bed and steals Vash's spot. Bitch.]
Haha, just a little. If I wasn't sick, we could have partied all night, but... [But he's under the weather and tired and his body is screaming at him to rest, now that they can.] ...oh, before I forget, that door over there has the bathroom in it. So you can shower and stuff.
[Points off to the side, not even at the door but in the Vicinity of it. You'll get there Vash.]
Dachie, [now speaking to the dog,] that's Vash's spot.
[Boofs >:(]
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OOPS...Vash looks appropriately sympathetic when Dachie hops into his spot on the bed, still holding the baby gently in his palm like an orange.]
Haha, I'm sorry...did you wanna get picked up too? I couldn't lift you both with one arm...
[Well, it's not that he doesn't have the strength, it's more the dexterity needed to hold them both with one hand. And he's not sure he would have been able to forgive himself if he dropped the baby.]
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[Just gonna... gently scoot the dog off the bed, sorry there's no room for you, you're greyhound-sized. Dachie will want the baby back when Vash is done
favouringloving on it, though.]What are you going to name the baby? [ :D ]
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Vash will move to sit once given the opportunity, sighing as he sits back against the headboard next to Ain...
...]
...w..wait, what?
[???]
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[Ain is tucking himself in as they speak, flopping over and pulling the covers up to his shoulders. He's still pleasantly surprised his friends kept the place clean. For all they knew, he could've been dead, or never planning on returning.]
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me voice: and i added the el masters to this timeline because ???
they deserve to be here too its fine
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Filed under dumbest tags I've ever written
A+ 10/10 no notes
update: i lied this one is the dumbest
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