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i am robbing bakerstreet again

PET PERSON MEME

>> premise

Hello, and welcome to The Care and Keeping of Your Pet! As you surely know, a pet is a big responsibility, and we're so glad you've decided to be a concientious master. A safe pet is a happy pet, and this handbook is certain to keep your precious lifelong friend as content as can be.

The history of the animal person is a long and difficult one, with their origins not being known even to this day. However, scientists believe that despite our common appearance - most animal people have humanoid forms except for the ears, tails, and sometimes teeth - we share no common ancestry, even if the ascent of this species corresponds with that of the homo sapien. We gained dominance over each breed thousands of years ago, beginning with the dog type, who have long been considered "man's best friend." Most breeds these days are docile and perfect for owners of any speed.

Of course, it is our duty as the superior species to take care of these animal creatures, and this is inherent in their genetic makeup. Everyone knows that an animal person, when matched with their correct human master, is loyal for life - a true "soulmate," if you will. Far be it for us to turn this away! Ever since the Great Domestication, these intelligent and loving animals have served us as friends, workmates, guardians, servants, and sexual companions and will for years to come. Despite recent hubbub from so-called "Pet People's Rights Activists," this way of life is wholesome and good. Scientific research shows that the natural desire of the pet person is to be owned and cared for by a human.

So, it's your first pet. What do you need to know?

As previously stated, pet people come in as many breeds as you can possibly think of. By far and away the most popular are the dog and cat types, but exotic birds and lizards have been gaining popularity among trendsetters from L.A. to Tokyo!
All pet types are best suited for certain jobs, and when hunting for one, it is best to search for a type that suits your needs best.
However, a "True Match" - when a pet person bonds with you and only you for the rest of their natural lives - comes naturally, and sometimes takes time before you can find the pet you will be able to give a forever home to.
According to all current research, pet people are completely sentient and like us in many ways. However, it is important to remember that they have many animalistic and feral characteristics. Do not be foolish and think that your pet is a person, despite the facts that many are clothed and may be allowed to read, write, and have "hobbies." Some traditional pet owners may eschew these frivolities, and that is within their right.
Pet people age more quickly than humans, at least physically, and many types have long lifespans. It is not uncommon for pets to be passed through the family. When getting your child their first pet, it's important to keep in mind that just because the pup is tiny now, a grown pet can be jumpy around a small child.
It is important to train a pet. Discipline will be necessary. This does not make you a bad owner. Failure to train early will result in a rebellious pet. Training is especially important if you want your pet to serve as a household servant.
Remember, your pet will be extremely protective of you, especially if you are Truly Bonded. It is best to socialize them early. A socialized pet is a perfect family pet.
These days, unowned and unbonded pet people are allowed to live as strays or "Frees" in certain designated areas. Some even hold "jobs." This is against their best interest, and owners who adopt these strays are to be rewarded. Still, the best place to get pets are from liscenced kennels or breeders.
Some masters find it beneficial to participate in activities with their pets, such as shows and other competitions.
Finally, much has been made about the sexual relationship between pet and master. This is a normal facet of the bond, and humans are sure to find pet people sexually alluring. But beyond that, it is only responsible and prudent for owners to care for their pet's needs. It is a well-known fact that the libidos of pet people are remarkably strong, and when they go into heat, it is usually more convenient for a master to relieve them. There is no risk of pregnancy. All rumors of hybrids are urban legends.
Despite this, masters must remember to not view their pets as romantic partners. Humans should stay with humans.

With that said, thank you and welcome to your first day as a pet's master!

>> how to play

Needless to say, The Care and Keeping of Your Pet is a bit biased and full of propaganda, but it gives a good idea of the world your character is now AU's into. They are either a pet person or a human master, and what that means for them varies.

So are they a devoted pet or a rebellious animal person looking to buck the system? A generous master or a cruel sexual sadist? Just a normal pet owner? Most likely they're something in between, but when you're raised in this world, it's difficult to see anything different on the horizon.

Rules

Comment with your character and say whether they'd be a master or a pet. Ideally, they could be played as both. Mention what kind of each they'd be and what they'd be like, (ie: "Xx-chan is a bunny girl who is happy to please her master" or "Asterothia is a cat boy who is aloof but loyal to his true master"). For pets, be sure to include features ("wolf ears, tail, teeth).

REMEMBER, pet does not automatically equal submissive and master automatically equal dominant. This is not a BDSM setting though BDSM can be included. How far you want to go with the actual "pet" aspect is up to you, as well. Your pet could just be your slightly-furry roommate or soulmate!
Comment to others.
Play out the scene.

>> prompts

This by no means an all-inclusive list, but it should get you going in the right direction.

First Time Pet/Owner: Usually, pets are gotten at a young age; you're an old dog. Can you learn new tricks?
True Bond: What all masters and pets yearn for...the pet's loyalty and adoration for life.
Love: It's expected for masters to love their pets, but to love them? Romance is strictly forbidden.
Old "Couple": Master and pet have grown together and know each other. You know, know each other.
Loss of Master: The pet has lost their master, perhaps even their True Bond. Is it possible to move on?
Young Master/Older Pet: Pets age quicker than masters, so it's possible to end up with a bit of an "age" difference.
Family Pet: This pet's been raised as part of the family. What happens when their feelings for a family member get more than platonic.
For Your Protection: You don't want to be a master, but you have to take in a pet for their protection lest they be in danger from the general public.
Stray: You're a stray or a "Free." Can you live like this with your biology screaming for you to make a match?
Servant: You're more servant than pet.
All Sex, All the Time: The only purpose for this pet is to service the master, and not in a way that means cleaning their house.
Guard: You're a loyal bodyguard, a service pet. You'll do anything for your master. Anything.
Pet Play: This is for those who prefer to keep their animals on leashes, have them eat from bowls, and keep away from clothing.
Breaking In: Training is important with any pet.
In Love with Another Master...or Pet: To lust after another's master is no better than treason, and to wish to be with another pet just cruel!
Punishment: Bad dog, no nookie!
Heat: All pets go into heat, and it's the responsibility of the owner to take care of this problem. After all, unchecked dry humping kills thousands every year.
Breeding: Breeders know the best qualities in each type and mate the cream of the crop together to continue lines. It's a hobby for some, a calling for others.
Territorial: Hey, hey, other dog person! This is your apartment. Stay the fuck out!
Kennel: Kennels are where unadopted pets are kept. They're generally agreed to be depressing places. Why not volunteer at one, keeping the pets healthy and happy with the kind of affection only humans can show?
Rebelling Against the System: Damn the Man! Pet people are people, too! Just be careful not to get talk. You know what happens to bad pets.
Instant Attraction: You ever just look at someone and know they're the one? That they're...your master? But what if you've been trying to fight it? Well, don't try!
Dominant Pet: You might be the pet, but you call the shots, at least in the bedroom.
Pet Show: Everyone wants to show off how perfect their animal is. Look at that ass! And you'll never believe their special skills...
Therapeutic: Pets, especially those bred for their kindliness, are perfect therapy for those who've been through trauma and heartache.
Jealousy: Who's that around your master? Oh, hell no. They better not be touching them!
Petting: Pet people are absolutely gaga for being touched. Even the most steely ones turn to mush for rubs.
Games: Playing with your pet and giving them exercise is a key to happiness. Of course, with a pet person, you might want to use other toys instead of a ball.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It does. Do you think it'll start snowing?

[Well, it's... they're in the mountains, so it's likely? The weather isn't winter storm hours here, but Ain is solidly and clearly confused about how mountain weather differs from everywhere else on account of He Has Never Been To A Mountain Before. He's pretty sure they're always supposed to snow. Blizzard levels of snow. Daily.

It's in books.]

Have you ever been in a snowball fight? I bet I could beat you! [He cannot.] —oh! Vash— [Yeah, still on a first-name basis, congrats,] look!

[Ain veers toward a little street food vendor with a short line, pointing toward it in case it's not extremely obvious where he's headed. The only problem is this food is not, erm, a meal — it's a stall selling frozen lemonades and other frozen drinks. You know. Gotta stick with the theme in a small wintery town.]

They're— [fuck what do you call these,] —Fruchtsaftgetränke?

[close enough.]

[Hhh, the fact that Ain just voluntarily calls him Vash now, and not "Mr. Plant", makes Vash's heart...do things. Worrying things. If it hadn't happened before, he'd be worried he was dying or something. Finally fizzling out despite having lived over a century.

He, too, doesn't have a super solid concept of the mountains and how they function, so for all he knows it will snow today. Though speaking of...]

I've never actually seen snow before. Not in person, anyway...just in books.

[So! If it snows, that'll be an experience for everyone. Maybe they can actually get into a snowball fight-

Ain's adhd brain gets the better of him though, and before they can unpack that, Vash is being led in another direction as they reach a vendor up ahead. It's definitely not breakfast, much less actual food.

Vash sort of. Stops walking. Blinks.]

...a. A what?

[Bless you???]

[He is trying so hard to find the right word for "smoothie" or "icee" but those words do not exist in his native tongue and he's forgotten them in his other two languages, so. He just. Flails his arms and points more insistently at the sign.]

Fruchtsaftgetränke! The frozen ones! ["The frozen fruit juices" is what he's trying to say. Like a smoothie.] We had something like it before, and it had— [FUCK WHAT'S THE WORD] —it had balls in it!

[Smoothies. With boba pearls. That's what they had.]

Vash!! [Now he's desperate and sad why don't you speak German :(] What are they called?!

[POINTS. TO THE SIGN.]

[Vash tenses, his eyes widening as Ain grows increasingly distressed at his inability to words. Vash understands: there were often times on the ship where he'd run into the same problem, despite being a fast learner. It's difficult! And Vash doesn't even know other languages really, certainly not German at the very least.

Context clues help, though. He looks back up a the sign and yes, they're definitely selling frozen drinks here. A slushie would also suffice.

After a moment, he looks back down at Ain.]

You mean a smoothie?

A smoothie! [He echoes, with enough loud enthusiasm that now the vendor is barely muffling laughter at this very confused, very German bird. You imported your pet, huh Vash, that's pretty cool, imports are expensive. Etc.] They have smoothies.

[No honey they have slushies— sigh, let him have this.]

You liked these when we had them last, right? [Now he's speaking at normal volume again.] I don't think these have the— [fuck] —the balls. Orbs. In them.

[the ball orbs. you know. the chewy ones.]

Do you want one?

[Honestly, Vash is just glad any attention they garner is positive at this point, and he at least knows that Ain is so...earnest that he probably isn't really embarrassed at all by this. If anything, he's just thrilled to have gotten the word finally.

Even if the word does not describe what this vendor is selling. Vash isn't going to be the one to correct him.

Instead he just smiles and nods, chuckling.]

These are a bit different. [A bit.] But sure! We'll need something to drink when we get something to eat eventually anyway.

[This is Ain's subtle reminder that a slushie is not breakfast.]

[Ain flutters his wings a couple times. He is very Pleased. But explain to him why slushie is not breakfast—

The vendor is all too happy to give them slushies, though. Ain is not particular about food; he leans toward sweet things, but when it comes to likes and dislikes, he wouldn't say he has anything particular. He'll eat just about anything as long as it tastes good. So, when asked what flavour he wants, he chooses something completely random — raspberry is today's pick — and that's that.

The whole time, the vendor talks to Vash while scooping ice and syrup into cups for them, something about "I have a mouse-pet at home" and "she was imported, too" and "the imports are always more fun". And to his credit, he's not saying any of that to be weird — purposely weird — but it is very dehumanizing. Right. People buy pets. They don't just find feral animals out on the street like Vash did and form a co-dependent relationship, they go to trade shows and shelters and travel halfway across the world to get purebreds.

Humans sort of just... don't get it. But Ain can't muster the energy to be too upset over it. It's one of those "pick your battles" things and the argument for pet rights is not on his list today.

His stomach growls. Okay, maybe slushie isn't breakfast. But he waits until they've paid their couple bucks and walked onwards to find actual food before he speaks again, in a joking, aware tone.]

Would you still like me if I wasn't a German pedigree?

[would you still love him if he were a worm]

[Because slushie is sugar water, and while you will be hydrated, you’ll still be hungry unfortunately. That’s why they’ll need to walk while they eat their slushies to see if they can find something with more substance.

Vash has mastered the art of smiling and nodding as the vendor chats with him, and yeah…he’s well used to these attitudes, and honestly he doesn’t even hold it against most people. Most average people, at least, don’t see anything wrong with it. Why would they? Society treats it as not only normal, but expected. There are outliers who take things too far of course, but in a general sense…owning pets makes up their culture. It’s just the way things are, what everyone has always known.

Yet Vash likely never would have had a pet, if it weren’t for his frustrating habit of picking up strays.

He offers the vendor a friendly wave as they move on- he got blueberry for himself- only to get completely taken off guard by Ain’s inquiry.]

Eh? Of course I’d still like you!

[…]

…I didn’t know you were a pedigree…

Mm. Me and my brothers all are.

[He hums, and then takes a sip of the slushie only to get a mouthful of syrup. Woof. Okay. Little too much there.

Ain stirs the ice and sugar concoction around with his straw.]

It's hard to tell without my documentation, [which is locked away in his prior owner's safe, probably, he'd imagine,] but trust me. I don't really know why I was put into the world. I imagine whoever bred all of us was looking to sell us off to become famous in a way — for singers and actors and the sort. Then, Ishmael bought us as fledglings, and that didn't come to pass, but my fate was rewritten for me anyway.

[He hums, and takes another sip of his drink, this time pausing to look off into the distance.]

Apparently, I costed a lot of money, so she was always angry with me if I wasn't as perfect as my brothers. I don't like being very rigid and proper, though. [Ain is a champagne-in-a-juice-glass bitch.] I think it made her mad, realising that she got the imperfect one from the nest. Haha, I used to get really upset about not being perfect back then, but now I don't really care!

[mmmmm he cares a lil bit tho or else why would he even bring all that up,]

[Vash listens thoughtfully to Ain as he tells him about his family, recalling that he hadn't even known that Ain had siblings until yesterday. He'd mentioned them near off-handedly, to the point where the information had left Vash's mind almost immediately in the wake of...everything else. He follows suit, stirring his own (lemon) slushie as they walk.]

Being perfect...isn't all it's cracked up to be.

[Vash was not perfect. In fact, in terms of Plant biology, he was probably the worst. Weaker, more feeble, forced to eat and drink and sleep...unlike Nai, who could subsist off nothing at all. Yet compared to humans, Vash is a powerhouse, a regular super-hero in comparison. Sometimes it's strange to think about, especially when the only thing his skills are good for these days is running away.]

I like you the way you are. I can't imagine you being rigid and proper at all, really.

[...]

Um! No offense.

None taken. I like when people keep their expectations of me low.

[It means he doesn't have to do shit and also makes escaping from Situations a lot easier. No one's going to miss the bad child, so to speak. Not that Ain isn't wholly convinced his prior owner might be searching for him somehow, or that he'll run into one of his brothers one day, but still.

Ain gently kicks a stray stone out of the path before turning to walk up the strip, toward where he thinks he smells something cooking. It smells sort of like comfort food in a way. Something fried, definitely. That's what most people consider comfort food, right...]

Ishmael tried to teach me to only use certain utensils with certain dishes. [return of the fancy spoons joke.] I've forgotten all of that because I didn't care, but I had a phase when I was thirteen where I would only eat soup with a fork and by drinking directly from the bowl.

[Teenagers, man.]

She had books around the house about how to tame rebellious pets. It didn't work. [Beams!]

...you had to eat with specific utensils?

[Vash seems...shocked by such a notion. Then again, Rem used to have to fight to teach Vash to not just shove everything into his mouth with his hands. He did eventually learn to use a fork, but...why not just use the same kind of thing for everything? Doesn't that mean you'd have to buy tons of different utensils for no reason???

Rich people, man.

Like Ain, Vash is immediately drawn in by the smell of food. This man, equal to being the Humanoid Typhoon, is also a Humanoid Black Hole. He will eat anything and EVERYTHING he is handed, no matter if it's comforting or simply survival. He gets the feeling they're in for a treat today, compared to the last few months.]

That...seems complicated for no reason, doesn't it? I don't think you did anything wrong.

[To the fried-food place it is. It looks like the sort of restaurant that you sit out in front of and don't ever go in, like the small town equivalent of a Goodtimes where you order at the front and plop down. It must be nice working there in a blizzard, Ain thinks, because he is still pretty sure that despite the sunshine it is going to snow catastrophically, and it'll be super fun to shove snow down Vash's shirt.

You never know. It's the mountains. Don't break his heart, you fucking rocks.

Now to figure out what the hell fried cheesecake is while they stand in line. How do you fry an entire cake. (Ain is not parsing that they are just fried bites and not the whole fucking cake.)]

There's a bunch of them and they're all stupid, [Ain says bluntly, with that cheerful lilt in his voice he normally has,] like forks with two... pointy thingies are for seafood. I didn't care, so I didn't listen much beyond that.

[Ain has the tendency to simply Walk Away when he doesn't care or doesn't want to listen or even when he gets in trouble, he simply spins on his heel and leaves. It's always been a problem with him.]

And finger-foods weren't allowed. And she insisted that candy was bad for all of us, so when I got an allowance I snuck out and bought so much candy that I couldn't finish dinner. [And then he got sick and it did not stop him from buying more candy.] Oh! And one time I scribbled all over the walls in crayon. I was six and I was angry because I got grounded for fighting with one of my brothers.

[Most of this is just Ain being genuinely A Kid during a time he was A Kid when that behaviour is expected, but like. It goes to show how much Not Listening he did.]

What were you like, when you were a kid?

[You know, most people would say fried cheesecake in any form isn't exactly a suitable breakfast either. These two are walking around just eating desserts straight up, but does Vash care? No. He's lucky to get a meal, so being able to indulge like this is a rarity. They've got the money (ill gotten, but still), so they're going to spend it however they damn well please. At least even in this line, they're able to continue talking without being interrupted by the locals, who are more interested in their own orders than the people around them.

Save for a few youngsters, which Vash notices watching him past their parents' legs. Most notably, they keep sneaking glances at his shiny, blueish-green prosthetic, which he can't exactly blame them for.]

Candy is bad for you, [He corrects, parroting Rem's words.] But it's okay every once in a while.

[Buying and eating as much candy as he could sounds like something he would have done as a kid though, so it makes him crack a smile regardless.

But then the topic rolls around to him, and his childhood, and he realizes...he's never really told Ain much of it at all, if anything. The only reason he knows who Rem is, is because he's had that same recurring nightmare, over and over.]

I was...a handful. [He admits, after taking a sip of his slushie.] I was really curious about pretty much everything. I asked questions all the time...probably too much. And I really loved to eat.

My...brother and I got into fights sometimes too. But we were close.

[Candy is NOT bad for you in this essay Ain will—]

Haha, really? If we met when we were children, [Vash is like a hundred years older than Ain is but still,] we would've been a handful. Two menaces. I think it would've been fun!

[The queue shuffles forward, and Ain is heavily considering their noon breakfast is just gonna be cheesecake bites and slushies and maybe that's what they need in their lives. It's comfort food for a reason. Like, they have other things here — fried fish baskets and fried chicken and fried vegetables, even, which kind of defeats the purpose of a vegetable — but Ain gravitates to anything that could feasibly rot his teeth.]

You still love eating, though, [Ain remarks, pointedly.] I wish I could cook. Haha, I'd make you lots of good food.

Can you blame me? Everything tastes so good.

[Vash in particular has a sweet tooth, which only gets to be satisfied every so often. These slushies were an excellent choice on Ain's part. It really hits the spot after so long of not having anything like it.]

Maybe one of these days, if we ever get enough time and money...we can find a simple recipe and figure out how to make it? It can't be that hard.

[>Famous last words]

[It'll be fine Ain has never set a fire before. What's the worst that could happen.]

Right. It can't be. If they can fry a cheesecake, we can make... [hm.] Bread.

[you cannot.

They're next in the queue, though, and guess what. They are Ordering cheesecake bites, this is what Ain opens with. He wants the fried cheesecake. Vash can order whatever he wants, Ain wants to have a sugar rush. Naturally, the things are served piping hot and with a small disposable cup of strawberry sauce for dipping.

Ain scoots his way over to the nearest table and sits down after they receive everything. He does not wait for these to cool much. They're Going into his mouth.]

Does everything taste good? [Ain asks, picking up where they left off.] What's the weirdest thing you've eaten?

[Ain honey why did you pick one of the notoriously harder things to make why bread-

As Ain orders his cheesecake bites, Vash decides to order a basket of fried vegetables for them to share. It's not...NOT healthy? And it's more in the vein of real food, which they do need to put into their bodies at some point lest they crash and die. It's still not much of a breakfast, but it's also past noon at this point. This is lunch.

Vash saunters after Ain, and if he weren't more interested in letting Ain try the bites first, he would probably have popped one scalding fresh from the oil into his mouth himself. Thank you Ain, you've inadvertantly saved Vash from himself this day. As they sit and Vash- what else- immediately starts picking things up with his hands because that's what hands are FOR, he answers with zero hesitation:]

Worms. Definitely worms.

[Those...do not taste good.]

You ate worms?!

[Ain does not even try to muffle his laughter, nope, he just barks out a laugh in between bites of, erm, cheesecake bites.]

Did you eat them out of the ground?! What do they taste like? Did you cook them?!

[And he thought He was the bird in this relationship, holy shit—]

[DON'T MAKE FUN OF HIM OKAY COUNTRY BOYS MAKE DO-]

L-look! Out in the desert, when you don't have anything else to eat...sometimes you have to take what you can get.

[So: worm]

The worms I'm talking about are really big...and they're kindof tough to cook, much less eat. But even then, you'd be struggling if you tried to eat them raw...unless you went for the smaller ones.

[There are little ones that fly around that Wolfwood just regularly snatches out of midair and eats like a fucking animal, and then there are whale-size worms that you can make worm steaks out of, take your pick.]

[Big worms...]

Are they stringy? If they're that big, they're predators, right? I was imagining you eating earthworms like spaghetti at first.

[Boys are... gross. Boys are gross and that's exactly what the face of a little girl nearby says as she turns away from them.]

They're...tough.

[Probably quite stringy as well, honestly. Gross.]

Not exactly what you want to be eating for every meal...or at all, if you can help it.

You do what you have to, to survive.

[Ain says, more seriously now, as he's like. comically dripping strawberry sauce down his chin it's FINE he gets it with his tongue.]

I don't think I'd be good at hunting. I'm good at foraging, though. I know what plants you can and can't eat, and which ones can be used for medicine. [He's. y'know. a healer. He got this.] Raw medicinal herbs taste worst than your giant worms, I bet!

[...please don't do that too much in eyeshot of Vash, he's only just learning what it feels like to act up and you're REALLY making him wanna act up suddenly-

Vash is just going to distract himself from watching Ain lick strawberry sauce off his chin with a piece of fried...he's pretty sure it's zucchini.]

So what you're saying is...if I met you sooner, I wouldn't have had to deal with getting sick in the wilderness so much.

[Oh baby please understand he wants you to act up so badly, he has yet to break your spine.]

Correct. Haha... you really got sick that often? [boy.] What would you do without me? I almost wish you had stumbled upon me sooner.

[Actually, speaking of...]

...if you had met me too soon, though, you would've met me when I still had the underside of my hair dyed bright blue, and when I was a priest. So maybe not that much sooner.

PET PERSON MEME

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pls ignore me haphazardly mashing our two canons together it works somehow I PROMISE

https://elwiki.net/wiki/images/e/ea/L3-1new2.png

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